Being Myself

December 9, 2010

When I started going to my current hair stylist about five years ago (Cindy at Shine), she insisted that we keep my hair short (“It flatters your face more,” she said). It seemed to get a little shorter every time I would see her. Cindy is a genius with hair, and the haircut was very nice, but I didn’t like it. I don’t like my hair short.

I don’t feel like myself when my hair is short.

So after trying the short thing for awhile, I told Cindy about my concerns. She fussed with it some more, trying a new style and then she decided that I ought to try growing my hair longer. I’ve grown my hair just past my shoulders and I love it. I have no idea if it flatters my face more or whatever (Cindy says it works better now because I’ve lost weight, but Cindy might just be saying that because she’s super kind), but I like it because I feel more like myself with my hair longer.

I have no idea if that makes any sense to you or not, dear blog reader. I don’t have any other way to describe it.

As my younger friends are turning 30 (my friend Randa’s up this weekend), I find myself assuring them that I love my 30s much more than I loved my 20s. Oh, sure, I joke about how old I feel and occasionally wish I could wash cashiers’ mouths out with soap when they call me “ma’am.” A college student working our Fall Retreat wondered out loud if I might have graduated from high school with his MOTHER and I almost fired him (not that I can actually fire the camp staff). Honestly, though? I love being in my (low) 30s.

As I get older (and older and older…), I am learning a little more what it feels like when I’m being myself. 22 year old Becky would have worn my hair however Cindy told me to wear it, even if I hated it just because she told me that’s how I should wear it. I used to be so unsure of myself. I used to have trouble using my voice when I was being mistreated or wronged in a situation. I used to worry a lot about what other people thought of me and whether or not they liked me. I used to not really know what “being myself” felt like. In the past few years, however, I’ve become a lot more confident about so many things, I care less and less about whether or not you approve of me and I’m a lot more aware of who I am.

I like it.

One response to Being Myself

  1. I don't feel like myself with short hair as well. I think it is because when I did have short hair, I was teased. I also love my thirties, but because I hang out with teenagers, I think I am still immature. 🙂

    As the genie from Aladdin said, "beeee yourself".